Evil Alien Conquerors: 3.0 Stars
On the way back from a meeting today I had to drive across the Vale of Oxford, a rolling landscape of large fields and not a lot of trees or hedges. It does however, provide some quite panoramic views of the sky. Today I was accompanied on my journey by one of the scariest clouds I’ve ever seen. An enormous line of meteorological anger, brightly illuminated by the sun, pushing huge, white fists of fury high up into sky above. It was like the very Gates of Hell had opened across the Berkshire Downs and pure evil was boiling up from the ground below and into the heavens. No really, it was that awe-inspiring! A true litany of terror* stretched out before my eyes; Mother Nature telling us not to fuck with her any more. I was put in mind of the clouds in “Independence Day” that the spaceships then appear out of, before the alien scum inside them start to trash the Earth. (I’ve always liked the expression “alien scum”; I got it from Activision’s BattleZone 2 Combat Commander that was released in 1999, which is still my favourite all-time computer game.) I was expecting Reading to be wiped off the map this afternoon by a deluge so awesome that Noah would have wimped out. However, in the end it rained for about five minutes. I wish I’d taken a photo, but my camera is totally broken now so I need to buy a new one. This film is about aliens that seem to want to destroy the Earth and is also awesome, but not in quite the same way. *A quote from this film.
2003 – Certificate: PG-13 – USA
Rating Details: Crude and sexual humor including dialogue
This movie is dumb. This movie is stupid. This movie isn’t really very funny. Having said all that, it is actually quite entertaining. It also contains plenty of quotable lines too, which you’ll be able to have hours of fun using should you be lucky enough to find another human being somewhere who’s seen it too. “Not a problem” I felt was particularly helpful and would have a number of ‘real-world’ applications. “Enthuse for Rabirr” probably has a more limited range of specialist uses. Anyway, it’s got a 100’ tall giant called Croker (who’s probably the funniest thing in it), one of the most ineffective ray guns in any sci-fi film ever and some less than subtle product placement. Another plus is the version of the theme tune played at the end. This is by Nerf Herder, which was also responsible for the theme to TV’s “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and is the 2nd best band on the planet. A high-quality B-movie; if there is such a thing.
Recommend for anyone who secretly likes to watch a totally dumb film once in a while.
No cats and 2 decapitations. (There’re also two heads that sort of get vaporised). I have to say that the decapitation count is a little disappointing, considering that at one stage during the film we’re promised around 5.8 billion of them; which is probably the most in any film ever.
Top badass moment? However stupid those threatening to use them were, the cow’s determination not to give in to chainsaw and machete wielding aliens, was badass; its badass enough to make Ronald McDonald join the Vegetarian Society. (I probably should have rewritten that sentence, it’s a bit of a mess syntaxically. Oh, and now it contains a made-up word too. I’m just digging the hole deeper and deeper…)