Reform School Girls / My Microwave Oven & Thunderbird 2: Separated at Birth

Reform School Girls  -  Front DVD Cover  -  American ReleaseWelcome to Pridemore Juvenile Facility For Girls, where forbidden passion and violent death are a shocking way of life.  But when two innocent teens are thrust into this world of degradation, they must battle sadistic guards as well as a violent gang of lust-crazed lesbians (led by the legendary Wendy O’Williams of The Plasmatics).  In a hellhole gone mad with chaos and desire, can they survive the ultimate orgy of naked rage?  Sybil Danning and Pat Ast co-star in this cult classic of bad girls gone berserk, written and directed by Tom DeSimone (“Hell Night”, “Concrete Jungle”) and featuring songs by Wendy O. Williams, Etta James and more!

1986  –  Certificate: R  –  American Film
6.0 out of 10

I have a microwave oven in my kitchen.  (Actually I have two, but that’s not important right now.)  It has a big sticker on it, which enthuses at some length about all its great features, of which there appear to be many.  (Apparently it’s got a “digital clock”.  Real state of the art stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree.)  However, I’ve never really bothered myself to read this sticker.  The only reason it’s still there is that I thought it might contain some ‘important stuff’.   Although as the oven is now about ten years old, I can’t imagine there’s much especially important about it that’s worth learning now.  If there was something I wasn’t supposed to do to stop it exploding in a fireball of microwave energy, I’d probably have found out by now.  However, this afternoon I found myself reading the sticker in an idle moment, whilst waiting for the kettle to boil.  (By which I mean the water in the kettle to boil; waiting for the kettle itself to boil would probably take quite a time, as I don’t think the Sun is expected to suddenly expand and engulf the Earth today.)  Amongst my oven’s many interesting features, I learnt that it has “Easytronic Operation”.  As you might imagine this got me pretty excited, as it sounds like the sort of thing Thunderbird 2 would have had fitted as standard.  I’ve no idea what it really means though, but as the oven has a few buttons on it that are quite easy to press, I guess it might mean them.  I wonder how much some marketing guru got paid to think up that one?  Honestly, what a load of twaddle.  This film is a load of twaddle too, but just like my microwave oven, it does have some entertainment value.

It’s hard to be too nasty about this movie, as it’s really not meant to be taken seriously.  As far as B Movies go, it’s pretty entertaining.   It’s a film set in a “juvenile facility”, which I imagine is meant to cater for those under the age of 18.  This doesn’t stop Wendy O. Williams (who was the vocalist with overrated punk/metal band The Plasmatics) playing one of the main young characters in it, even though she must have been about 36 at the time.  Then again, she looks so scarily tough that the makers probably didn’t want to bring it up.  (Really sadly she committed suicide in 1998.  She was a committed vegetarian and spent much of her latter years caring for animals.)  This film also features the infamous kitten stomping scene, which I really shouldn’t approve of.   Lots of mal-adjusted teens worldwide have probably gone on to become serial kitten stompers as a result of this film, in the same way that everyone who’s ever played Guitar Hero is now a world-class guitarist.   I was a little disappointed to see a number of tools being used for weeding a field that weren’t really appropriate for the job.  Long tail shovels and garden rakes really aren’t the correct equipment for that sort of thing.  Then again, perhaps that was part of their punishment?

The soundtrack is mostly small sections of forgettable incidental music, mixed in with a few rock tracks.  Unfortunately, the latter is that special brand of boring American rock, which tries to act tough but just ends up sounding old-fashioned.  However, the film’s big saving grace is Wendy O. Williams’s “It’s My Life”, which plays over the end credits.  Top stuff.  I’ve got it as a 7” single.

Recommended for juvenile delinquents, lesbians, prison officers and psychiatrists.

1 cat, no chainsaws or decapitations.  A really beautiful, fluffy, ginger tabby kitten has both a speaking role (that sadly looks like it was dubbed by another cat) and a proper action role.  The kitten stomping scene, where it has to do a runner, is now considered a standard-bearer for cat-based action movies.  Tragically, it doesn’t even get a credit!

Top badass moment?  Fighting ‘the system’ is never easy, so whether it’s trashing the dormitory, trashing the dining room or trashing the whole facility, it’s all badass.

Reform School Girls at IMDB (4.3 / 10)

Reform School Girls at Wikipedia

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