Last week I celebrated 25 years with my employer in one form or another. Some of the people I manage arranged for a group of us to go out for a meal, which I wasn’t expecting and was really rather nice of them, especially as I’m actually the boss-bastard-from-hell who hates everyone he manages, considers then to be little more than ‘resource units’ to be utilised and enjoys nothing better than telling them to “work smarter, not harder” in response to any problems they might be having. They presented me with a collage of pictures from my 25 years, which just served to remind me how fat I’ve got and how much hair I don’t have anymore; thanks! Getting old is rubbish. What’s the point of it? Like wasps, wind and dust, it doesn’t appear to have any useful function, or indeed any function at all; it just ‘is’. Anyway, in 25 years I appear to have moved up the career ladder exactly one rung; still, I’ve plenty of time as I’m never going to be able to retire as I won’t be able to afford to. By now I really should be playing golf on Sunday with people who get huge bonuses, drive even bigger cars and live in houses so large that other people would call them whole towns. Instead, I sit at home, talk to Penny, watch endless films and go to gigs and wobble like a Weeble to music by bands that no one over the age of 25 has even heard of. Getting old sucks.
2008 – Certificate: 15 – Germany
Anyway, this film. It’s a depressing, German drama. Very depressing. In fact, on a scale of one to ten, where 10 is paradise and 1 is spending a whole day with me discussing how cat fur is really, really hard to vacuum up, even with a powerful cleaner like a Dyson, this film would score a negative number. It’s about an ‘old woman’ who starts an affair with an even older man and then tells her husband about it. In its favour it’s very well acted; it feels much more like a documentary than a movie. In fact Ursula Werner (who plays the woman Inge) is amazing in it. It’s worth watching just to see how good an actress she is. Wonderful stuff. It has some full-frontal nudity, but with most of the characters being in their 60s and 70s it’s not exactly pornographic. Oh, did I mention it’s depressing? Is this what the future holds for you when you get old? Getting old sucks.
Recommended for people who don’t have any sharp objects near them.
No cats and no decapitations. (Actually I can’t remember. I should write these things down. I must be getting old…)
Top badass moment? Ursula and her lover Karl going skinny dipping in some pond in the country. That’s pretty cool, especially considering their age. Doing ‘stuff’ that you’re not meant to do because you’re too old is always badass; and it freaks ‘the younger generation’ out too.