Posts tagged “Heathrow

Mum & Dad / I’m Going Travelling


Mum & Dad  -  Front DVD Cover  -  UK Release“Mum & Dad”, the impressive debut by writer-director Steven Sheil, is one of the most disturbing Brit-shockers to emerge in recent years.  When Lena, a young Polish immigrant working as an office cleaner at Heathrow Airport, misses her last bus home, she accepts an offer of help from friendly co-worker Birdie, who lives nearby with her ‘adoptive’ parents.  Knocked unconscious after arriving at the house, Lena soon finds herself imprisoned in a suburban house of horrors, a living nightmare of abuse, torture and murder.  Designated a ‘Mummy’s Girl’, Lena’s only options appear to be to become part of the family – and join Mum & Dad in their insanity – or die.

2008  –  Certificate 18  –  British Film
Strong bloody violence, torture, terrorisation and sex references
7.5 out of 10

I’ve been a pretty lucky bloke over the past few months.  I’ve been to Mexico, Bavaria in Germany, the mountains of Colombia, hung out with a rock ‘n’ roll band and met the Devil, flown around Los Angeles with a superhero, gone into space and met an alien (The Alien actually), been hassled by Japanese zombies that live in a toilet; yes, life’s been pretty interesting.  Of course I’ve not left my living room either, because that would mean, well, going out, making an effort and mixing with other people.  However, I’ve enjoyed these experiences through the films I’ve watched.  A much safer, easier, cheaper and more convenient alternative I’m sure you’ll agree.  I’ve never understood the urge some people have “to travel”.  It sounds like my worst nightmare; a commute that never ends, surrounded by people who don’t speak English and will probably kill or rob you given half a chance; wildlife that will sting you to death or eat you; constantly sick from the weird, contaminated food you’ll be forced to eat; and a rate of exchange that you won’t understand and before you know it you’ll have spent all your money on a can of Coke.  Even if you manage to survive all that lot, you’ll end up in prison forever, being buggered by a half human – half religious fanatic, all because you broke some local law you never knew existed, by making what you thought was a friendly gesture to someone. That’s what “going travelling” really means.  However, not wanting to miss out on all the fun it offers and on my return the chance to entertain everyone with my stories and deep understanding of how people in other places live their lives, I’ve decided to start plotting all my travel adventures on a map.  This will hopefully provide me with a constantly evolving picture of where I’ve been, complete with the odd photo and comment.  I look forward to boring sharing this with the world!  In a kind of appropriate way, this film takes place near Heathrow Airport in London, which will be the starting point for my global trek.

This is a decent, violent, low-budget horror that has the advantage of being set in a suburban house near Heathrow Airport.  It features some pretty normal looking people with normal jobs and an assortment of syringes and basic DIY tools; very British.  It’s a refreshing alternative to the endless American versions that tend to take place in the back of beyond and involve some in-bred weirdos having endless bad hair days and an impressive collection of power tools.  “Mum & Dad” boasts plenty of realistic looking gore and a cast of suitably deranged characters.  Dad is especially freaky.  It’s particularly impressive when it subverts normal family life; (for example, instead of breakfast TV on in the background over a typical breakfast, this family has hardcore porn on the telly).  Some of the justification used for Lena’s treatment is pretty scary too.  The late addition of a couple of extra residents in the house tends to slightly dilute the story a bit, even as it ups the yukiness score.  And if I thought about things too hard I started to wonder “why didn’t she just do” this, that or the other to escape, but other than that it’s a solid horror.  The scene with the wooden mallet is particularly effective.  It’s good to see that my lottery ticket money is being put to such good use.  It’s also a film that explains where all that lost luggage at airports end up.

There a limited amount of music used in this movie, other than the big Christmas Day scene, where it rather cleverly makes the likes of “Silent Night” etc rather creepy.

The trailer’s a fair enough representation of the film.

Recommended for cleaners, airport baggage handlers and Polish immigrants.

1 decapitation, no cats or chainsaws.

Top badass moment?  Lena looks pretty miserable for most of the movie, as well she might given the circumstances.  However, she never really gives up trying to get away, despite all the unpleasantness.  That’s badass.  Having said that, she was being offered free accommodation.  A room in a decent house in the Heathrow area has got to be worth £400 / month and for all they knew, she could have been an axe murderer or something.  To be honest, it makes her seem a bit ungrateful.

Mum & Dad at IMDB (5.9 / 10)
Mum & Dad at Wikipedia
Mum & Dad at YouTube

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Ring / Party!


Ring  -  Front DVD Cover  -  UK ReleaseAfter the death of her cousin Tomoko, reporter Reiko hears stories of a videotape that kills everyone who sees it exactly one week after viewing.  At first she discounts the rumours, but when she learns that Tomoko’s friend (who watched the video with her) died at exactly the same time, she begins to investigate.  After viewing the tape herself, strange things start happening and so she teams up with her ex-husband to try to stop the death clock that has once again begun ticking.

1998  –  Certificate: 15  –  Japanese film
6.0 out of 10

Despite being an antisocial loser and having no friends, I recently found myself in possession of a birthday party invitation.  Stress!  For a start, how does one present one’s self for such a social gathering these days?  Formal?  Casual but smart?  Street smart?  Metrosexual urbanite?  And as for presents; that’s a total, social minefield.  Still, not wanting to waste this once-in-ten-year opportunity to ‘have-a-good-time’ and ‘meet people’, last Saturday found me sitting in the sun in a garden in west London, twerking to ska-punk and reminiscing how when I was 13 I used to know be able to identify every car on the road and every plane in the sky; (a party animal, I know).  I also learnt loads about what it’s like to control one of those massive cranes that you see on building sites; met a really famous drummer, (I think it was either Charlie Watts or Tré Cool, but I’m not sure now); knocked a can of cider on the kitchen floor and starred somewhat dumbly at the mess as someone else cleaned it up; drunk an inappropriate mixture of drinks that included cider, port, Buckfast, Midori, vodka and some Lithuanian spirit that tasted a lot like medicine; had a long conversation about Syria; ate some peanuts and samosas, (which were very nice) and talked to someone who’s getting married in six weeks.  I probably bored a lot of other people too, but I can’t actually remember much else, but I imagine I wasn’t very interesting or coherent and spoke mostly drunkanise.  Finally I left and forgetting that when I’d learnt which way to turn to take me to the train station (which was a two-minute walk away) I’d had the map upside-down, went totally the other way, took two buses and ended up wandering around the empty corridors of Heathrow Airport all night, like an extra from a zombie apocalypse film, before finally getting an entirely empty coach back to Reading at five in the morning; (well it had a driver in it, and me, obviously).  I don’t suppose I’ll get another invite to a party anytime soon, but I was glad to have this opportunity to reconfirm that I have no social skills and really shouldn’t drink more than a pint of shandy.  And it took me over two days to recover too.  Frightening stuff.

This film has a fearsome reputation for being really, really scary.  It’s not really.  Well a couple of times it was but mostly it wasn’t.  It’s more creepy than anything else.  The anticipation that something was about to be scary was often more scary than what actually happened; a bit like crossing a busy road.  I suppose if you get off on a certain kind of Japanese ghost horror then you’d be more likely to have an underwear malfunction, but not otherwise.  The plot’s got something to do with a cursed video and a woman in a well.  In many ways it’s as much a whodunit thriller as a horror.  If a similar sort of thing happened today, it would end up on YouTube and probably wipe out most of the Earth’s population.  Given its video-based story, it hasn’t aged well.  Having said all that, it’s actually quite watchable.  I guess I just found it a bit of a disappointment after all the hype.

There isn’t a great deal of music in this movie and what there is sounded like it came straight off of “Now That’s What I Call Horror Film Music, Volume 34”.  The theme tune (used at the end of the film and on the trailer) is pretty horrific, but not it a good way.

Recommended for vindictive ghosts, journalists and ex-husbands.  It’s probably a real nightmare if you’re involved in the manufacture of videos or DVDs, etc; I can imagine something like this would really take the bottom out of the market.

No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.

Top badass moment?  I just can’t think of one.  Had too much to drink at the party.

Ring at IMDB (7.3 / 10)

Ring at Wikipedia