Posts tagged “Indian Film

Fanaa / Hating Google


Fanaa  -  Front DVD Cover  -  UK ReleaseChoices… to choose between right or wrong is simple, but what defines one’s life is the decision between the greater of two goods or the lesser of two evils.  This is the advice that Zooni Ali Beg (Kajol) receives from her father just as she is about to venture out into the world on her own for the very first time.  Little does she know that these very words will shape her life.  Zooni, a blind Kashmiri girl, meets Rehan Qadri (Aamir Khan), a local tour guide and an incorrigible flirt. Her friends warn her against this good-for-nothing roadside Romeo, but she chooses to ignore them.  It is now her time to discover life, and love.  Is this really the right choice?  Rehan is fascinated by Zooni and wants her to see life as it should be seen, in its many colours.  He promises her that the time spent with him will be the most precious in all her life.  Zooni sees Delhi, life and love like she never has before, because of Rehan.  What Zooni doesn’t know is that Rehan has another side of his life that he has kept from her – something that can not only change her life, but can also destroy it.  Fanaa… destroyed in love…

2006  –  Certificate: 12  –  Indian Film
7.5 out of 10

I’ve had enough.  By this I mean I’ve had enough of Google, that clever little search engine that used to be run by a few fun people somewhere in California; a gang of outsiders, rebels fighting the ‘corporate system’ and using ‘new media’ to make their point.  However, Google now IS that corporate system and I’ve decided I hate it.  It’s officially become the first Spawn of the Devil of 2014.  From this point forward I won’t use its search engine, I won’t use it’s mapping system, I won’t Google anything, I won’t engage with any of its other, stupid ‘toys’ and I will never, ever, buy or use a smartphone or any other hardware that runs on Android, or anything else it invents in the future.  I despise everything it stands for.  Now, at this point you might be wondering, why?  Well, much to my disgust and with no notice whatsoever, it’s closed my YouTube account.  Even worse, its crap customer service is about as much use as a Ferrari 458 Speciale (and what a pretentious name that is) in the Somerset Levels right now.  If I get one more cheerful, automated e-mail telling me the good news that my account is fine and I just need to change my password if I can’t log in (and that’s not the problem you mindless cretins, as I’ve told you more than once), I will personally kill every cute, small puppy I come across with a version of Android’s Operating System.  I’ll become known as the Stupidly Named Food Themed Operating System Serial Puppy Killer.  Fucking Google can fucking fuck off and die, painfully.  The sooner Satya Nadella crushes this aggravating little upstart, the better.  Then we can go back to a world of Microsoft vs Apple and not worry about the slimy, data stealing evil empire that thinks giving us a few stupid pictures of our own street is payment for all its underhand and nefarious activities; which is somewhat ironically more than it pays in taxes.  It knows more about you than you do.  But don’t take my word for it, just Google (bollocks, it’s hard to get out of the habit) search for “Why Google Is Evil” on Bing.  I imagine my 600 YouTube subscribers are at this very moment planning the sort of campaign of civil disobedience that will make the Arab Spring seem like a bad day in Springfield.  I’m sorry if my rant has crashed Google’s share price but you know what?  I’m glad.  Anyone who’s invested in this dictatorship deserves what they get.

A power spike wrecked the PSU on my computer last Friday, so I’ve had to go and buy a new one and fit it, (a Corsair CX750M if anyone is interested).  It’s the 4th one my current computer’s had.  I was so distressed that I had to go sit down and watch nearly 3 hours of Bollywood style action-romance to recover.  I must confess that I’m getting to like Indian films.  The plot is nearly always sort of the same, random over-the-top song and dance routines break up whatever’s going on and bizarre bits of action suddenly populate the girl-meets-boy-loses-boy-meets-boy-again stuff.   But really, they’re a lot of fun and these days are well made technically.  Anyone that’s not watched a few really ought to try some.  In the same way that some things only become funny with repetition, films like this become entertaining once you’ve watched a few.  Probably best taken with alcohol. 

The trailer’s not bad.  Watch out for those weedy power chords that start 33 seconds in.  Reminds me of The Undertones 4th album.

The music is exactly what you’d expect.  Not saying it’s bad or anything, just that there’s nothing especially interesting about it either.  The silly ‘kid’s song’ “Chanda Chamke” is kind of sweet though.

Recommended for anyone with a visual disability, terrorists, tour guides and dancers.

No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.

Top badass moment?   It’s a huge spoiler, but shooting and killing your husband and the father of your child that you’re totally besotted with, in the back, because he’s a terrorist and going to set off a nuclear bomb and kill millions of people, is about as badass as it gets.

And okay, I know I’ve posted a YouTube link below.  I’m just so fickle.

Fanaa at IMDB (7.2 / 10)
Fanaa at Wikipedia
Fanaa at YouTube

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Hawa / First Aid


Hawa  -  Front DVD Cover (UK Release)Renu (Tabu) is a divorced mother of two daughters and the only sister of a teenage brother.  She works in her mother’s antique shop to make ends meet and moves into a new house in the outskirts of the city.  However, life in her new home is not as simple as she’d hoped as she soon senses strange and unusual happenings occurring in her house.  Her new home turns into her worst nightmare after she is brutally attacked by an unseen assailant and when her youngest daughter goes missing she races against time to save her family.  Will she be able to survive this nightmare?  Watch this spine chilling horror to find out.

2003  –  Certificate: 15  –  Indian Film
Rating Details:  Scenes of moderate horror and strong sexual violence
5.5 out of 10

I’ve spent the last two days being retrained in first aid.  This happens every three years.  It’s great, because I get to snog what’s almost a real woman (the Resusci Anne mannequin) in an effort to practice CPR; it’s hard not to get carried away, despite her lips tasting mainly of antiseptic wipes.  I’m not one to comment on what other people get up to in their own time, but sadly I think she’s a bit of a tart; she’s not that fussy who she ‘hangs out’ with from what I’ve seen and it was hard not to get jealous when I saw her ‘carrying on’ with the others on the course.  Anyway, I passed, despite during one part of the exam saying, “two to beam directly to sick bay”.  I can now feel extra guilty the next time I see someone in need of first aid in the street, as I walk straight past him/her.  Afterwards I spent far too long in the pub with some of my fellow learners, drinking too much decent cider, whilst discussing the finer points of first aid techniques and pointing out that in 20 years I’ll be like all the other old, sad, lonely men that were also sitting in the Wetherspoon pub we were in.  It was the Coronet on Holloway Road in London; it’s a converted cinema so really big inside with a high ceiling.  It’s an interesting place and it was a fun evening, but it made me late to The Ruts gig I was going to.  In an effort to review the medical knowledge I’ve gained (and will probably have forgotten by the end of next week), I’ve decided that I’ll now be spending some time following the films I watch, reviewing any ‘first aid incidents’ that are shown.

Sanjana and her family have to move to a new house, as they can’t afford to stay where they are.  Unfortunately, after some lightening and a nearby burial site for ‘bad guys’ get jiggy, things get a bit hot and heavy at the new home.  This isn’t something that looks like it going to do much for local property prices, although the Indian idea of ‘downsizing’ doesn’t seem to be quite the same as mine.  This movie is a Hindi horror that’s basically a total rip-off of “The Entity”, although the ending, which seems to involve God making an appearance, is somewhat different.  However, many of the scenes are almost word for word the same.  The special effects vary from quite effective to really ropey, literally.  It’s a while since I’ve watched a film in which you could see the actors being held up in the air on wires; it sort of takes away from the drama a bit.  And let’s not even think about the pillow over the head scene.  Having a tell-it-like-it-is bedside manner must be a requirement to become a doctor in India too.  Sanjana goes to see two after being attacked and shows them her injures.  Comments like “Oh my God” and “Oh it’s terrible” don’t exactly sound like they were designed to put someone’s mind at ease.  And in the big scheme of things, her injures weren’t actually that bad.  I wonder what they’d have said if she’d have had all her guts all hanging out?  (First aid observation: she’d have needed more than putting into a W sitting position to sort that out.)  My own doctor’s Indian, I hope he never finds anything seriously wrong with me; I’ll probably want to throw myself under a bus by the time he’s finished telling me.  I’ve also learnt that Indian estate agents are pretty mouthy too.  It’s a long film, 128 minutes, although a fair amount consists of people running about shouting “Tram” and looking for the family’s dog.  I’m trying really hard not to say this film is pants, but it’s hard not to.  The main character, played by the slightly unfortunately named Tabu, doesn’t do a bad job with what she’s given.  At times it is quite effective, but then it goes and spoils things with an unintentionally crappy bit of film-making.  Surprisingly, it didn’t feel like it lasted over two hours.

The ‘attack’ music used in the film is also a rip-off from “The Entity”, only not as good.  The rest sounded like it was copied straight off “Now That’s What I Call Scary Music For B-Movies: Volume 74”.

Recommended for doctors and ghost-hunters.

No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.

Top badass moment?  In the big scene near the end, the parapsychologist continually implies to Sanjana that she’ll be perfectly safe, even when he’s being thrown about all over the place by the invisible baddie.  But when he’s still shouting out things such as “I will blow you asunder” as he gets impaled on a branch, you’ve got to question the validity of his outlook.  Being an optimist can be badass, if futile.

Hawa at IMDB (3.1 / 10)

Hawa at Wikipedia