Angela (Sigrid Thornton, “The Man from Snowy River”) is a young hairdresser thrown out of home by her puritanical mother after too many nights out. She quickly falls in with the modeling crowd and does some modeling work herself, while it seems she is being stalked by a mysterious figure driving an ice-cream van! Also known as “Snapshot” and directed by award-winning director Simon Wincer (“Lonesome Dove, “Free Willy”), now see this Ozploitation film in its original scope format – first time anywhere in the world!
1979 – Certificate: R – Australian Film
5.0 out of 10
Next week I have to face one of the greatest horrors in the civilised world. Something so frightening, that juggling with chainsaws with one arm tied behind my back, in a cage full of hungry lions, would be preferable. I have to go to a two-day meeting at work, one that everyone who’s anyone will be at. (I guess a typo somewhere meant I got invited by mistake too.) However, hanging out with the good and the great doesn’t bother me; after all, I’m pretty sure I was born to meet a higher purpose than I’ve so far managed to climb to, so I may as well get used to it. I also don’t mind the fact that some of my more ambitions colleagues may well trample me to death on their way to ‘the top’ as they attempt to impress. Even the thought of conversing ‘professionally’ with people so important that their job titles are almost too long to fit on a business card, is of little consequence to me. (As long as I don’t have to make ’small talk’, as that’s a skill I’ve never developed as I don’t have a life to talk about.) No, what really terrifies me is the fact that right at the bottom of the information I was sent it says, “Dress code smart casual”. What does that even mean? My idea of smart is wearing a new t-shirt that doesn’t have the name of an obscure punk band on it. This requirement has bought into sharp focus the inadequacy of my wardrobe. It’s years since I wore a shirt and I doubt there’s a diet in existence that will prepare me for wearing any of the ones I still own by next Wednesday. In the trouser department things are even more desperate. Can you even iron combat trousers? I think the last thing I ironed was a screwed-up poster of the Buzzcocks to put on my wall when I was a student. When I turn up wearing a hoddie, everyone is going to stare at me as if I’m some sort of migrant worker at a UKIP conference. Life is so stressful. Life as an aspiring model is stressful too, except the smart casual issue probably isn’t much of a problem to one.
Despite what it says on the cover, this film has nothing to do with Halloween, opening doors, answering phones or looking in attics. There’s nothing anywhere in this movie that wants you either. It’s barely even a horror. In fact it’s barely anything at all. I rarely find films boring but this one I did. Get the feeling they’re trying to hide something? It’s competently made and acted, but the script is just so dull. It manages to take some interesting ideas and make them as exciting as watching magnolia paint dry. All the men in it are horrible too, they’d hardly a redeeming feature amongst them. (Actually most of the women are as well.) It was originally called “Snapshot”, which is a far better name for it. About the most interesting this about it is its lead actress Sigrid Thornton, who manages to look convincing as both a model and a woman out of her comfort zone. (Next Wednesday I’ll know how the latter feels.)
The soundtrack is competent without being especially memorable. It’s used a lot too. The ‘Elvis’ is quite amusing though.
In the same way as the DVD cover, I think the trailer is trying to promote an entirely different film.
Recommended for models, stalkers, ice-cream sellers, hairdressers and photographers.
No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.
Top badass moment? Given that this is a dull film with few characters that have any redeeming features, I’m going to have to go for Madeline running down her would-be lesbian lover’s stalker in his Mr Whippy ice-cream van. Trust me, it sounds a lot more interesting that it really is, but I guess it beats most chat-up lines.
Having thought that this film was going to be about life at a builders’ merchants, or perhaps focused on a particularly fast style of dance or punk music, I was astonished to discover it was none of these things. I really should read the stuff on the sleeve before watching a DVD; I was so looking forward to finding out more about the life of a delivery driver too, as he goes through his list of jobs, dropping off bricks, cement, plaster, wood and other materials essential to the construction of the buildings and other features we’ve all come to rely on these days. Anyway, let’s see what I can remember about it. Guns? Check. Drugs? Check. Beautiful lesbians? Check. Prostitution ring? Check? Some naked people (both genders)? Check. Seedy businessmen (and businesswomen)? Check. Roman soldier’s helmet on fire? Check. Pimp that uses colour-coded Post-It Notes to organise everything? Check. A drug dealer who only speaks in astrological predictions? Check. Bizarre fantasy sequence involving the main characters doing their own version of part of the opening credits sequence from “Beverly Hills 90210”? Check. Really awful version of Abba’s “Dancing Queen”? Check. It’s all in Greek? Check. Okay, I think I can remember some of it. By the way, if anyone is interested, the Post-It Note sequence appears to go yellow-blue-orange-purple, with yellow being used for low-paying customers requiring a ‘basic’ service and purple for higher-class events.
2004 – Certificate: Not Rated
I suspect this film is a lot better than I’m going to credit it for being. The trouble is, I think I fell asleep a few times whilst I was watching it; either that or it’s got really, really bad editing. I have to admit that I’m having some difficulty working out what to say about this movie. It’s basically a ‘get our own back on society and people in general’ type of film, which follows the lives of two young women. It sort of falls into two parts. The first covers the time they spend as prostitutes and the second the period when one of them is following a successful modelling and acting career. There’s a murder trial in the middle somewhere too. It does have some black comedy in it but the overall feel is one of it being a somewhat seedy drama.
Recommended for people who like films with a grubby storyline; along with those that like Quentin Tarantino-ish movies. It probably helps if you can understand Greek too.
No cats and no decapitations.
Top badass moment? I use a lot of Post-It Notes at work. In fact I probably use far too many and use them when I could just scribble stuff on a bit of scrap paper. I wouldn’t say I was addicted to them, like I don’t go home every night and stick them all over my naked body, but I would miss them if they vanished. So not surprisingly, the boss of the prostitution ring featured in this film, purely for his over-use of Post-It Notes to organise and categorise work for his ‘team’, is badass.