Posts tagged “Pervert

Look / Resolutions


Look  -  Front DVD Cover  -  US Release

There are an estimated 30 million surveillance cameras in the United States.  On any given day, the average American is captured approximately 200 times.  Every one of us is constantly being observed at our jobs, on the street, while shopping, and sometimes even in our own homes.  Every one of our secrets, lies, crimes and most private moments are all being recorded.  But who is watching us?  Rhys Colro (“Entourage”), Hayes MacArthur (“The Game Plan”), Jamie McShane (“24”) and Spencer Redford star in this award-winning drama from writer/director Adam Rifkin that takes the ultimate look at our ‘Big Brother’ world.  “This is a brash, darkly humorous and unsettling piece of work filled with startling scenes and fine performances,” raves Richard Roeper of Ebert & Roeper At The Movies.  “”Look” is a film worth seeking out!”

2007.  Certificate: R.  American Film.  Rating Details: strong sexual content, pervasive language, some violence and brief drug use.  8.0 out of 10.

Okay, it’s the start of the New Year so I feel obliged to make some New Year resolutions that I won’t keep.  So firstly, I’m going to lose some weight.  I have a pair of trousers (actually several) that I’ve never been able to use, so my target is to be able to wear them and not cause some horrible internal injury to myself.  I don’t exactly have a plan for doing this, but I’m sure it’s possible.  I guess ‘eat less’ is a good place to start.  Secondly, I’m going to not get behind with things at work.  I seem to perpetually be explaining why I haven’t done things and there’s only so many times I can use the “dog ate my homework” excuse before it starts to look a bit lame, especially as I don’t have a dog.  My target is to simply not have to explain my temporal inadequacies any more.  I don’t exactly have a plan for doing this either, but I’m equally sure it’s possible too.  I guess working ‘smarter’ is a good place to start.  (Well that’s what I tell my team whenever any of them whine about having too much to do; it doesn’t seem to work for any of them though.)

Well I must say, I wasn’t really expecting this film to be that great, what with its promise of crappy quality ‘security camera’ footage and their associated static camera shots; a bit like a found footage film but without the ‘shaky cam’, monsters, ghosts and up nostril views.  102 minutes later and I was really disappointed that it had ended.  It cleverly mixes up footage from lots of cameras to tell the stories (or partial stories) of a number of people, whose lives to some extent overlap.  Of course it does include murder, rape, ATM abuse, car crashes, bombs, child abduction, male strippers, sex (both gay and straight), office perverts and farts in elevators, but really, it’s all just about a lot of pretty mundane and dull people going about their day to day lives; so something I could relate to.  Well put together, this is strangely hypnotic movie and well worth watching.

There’s a lot of music used in this film, but most of it just sort of fades into the background.  Forgettable.

The trailer really doesn’t tell you a lot, other than it’s a ‘clever’ film that uses surveillance camera.  Try not to fall asleep.

Movie Weather Forecast:  Warm and sunny throughout.  It looks like it’s going to be a lovely summer!

Recommended for bimbos, petrol station attendants, teachers, bored office workers, parents and perverts.

No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.

Top badass moment?  Tricky; there’s not a lot of choice in a film filled with unprincipled losers dressed in a veneer of youth or respectability.   I guess the nearest we get to a hero is the guy working in the petrol station, who manages to report a couple of killers who call in for supplies.  Strangely he looks one of the most loser-like too.  Never judge a book by its cover.

Look at IMDB (6.6 / 10)
Look at Wikipedia
Look trailer at YouTube

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Laura / Wow! How to be a Great People Manager


Laura  -  Front DVD Cover  -  UK Release

The sensually provocative images of internationally acclaimed photographer David Hamilton again move and breathe in Laura. A delicate journey through innocence, beauty and sensuality involving a 16 year old ballet dancer who falls in love with her mother’s former lover, a 40 year old sculptor. A classic cinematic treatment of mother-daughter competition and the first stirrings of sexuality.  With utmost taste and talent, Hamilton presents the gratification of budding womanhood.

1979 –  Certificate: 18  –  French Film
5.0 out of 10

For reasons that mostly baffle me but probably point to a severe breakdown in the decision-making process somewhere, I’m trusted with the management of nine people at work, plus another two or three that are ‘incoming’. I’ve never received much in the way of training to accomplish this, but I do my best.  I try to work them all to within an inch of their lives, make them feel worthless and in awe of me, blame them when something goes wrong and take the credit when something goes well.  I provide them with impossible deadlines and grass them up to more senior people when they fail to meet them.  I invent or overcomplicate existing procedures, to make their lives as difficult as possible.  My managerial catch-phrase is, “if you don’t like it you can leave”.  In fact the only book on management I’ve ever read is “The Art of Demotivation”.  I’d heartily recommend this to anyone who manages staff.  I keep my well-thumbed copy by my desk at all times.  Despite my obvious lack of emotional intelligence, in a strange way I consider these ‘resource units’ as my family.  (In that sense I care for them deeply, in the same way that Captain Janeway on the Starship Voyager cared for her crew, but still managed to nearly get them killed most weeks.)  Consequently, I get very distressed when any of them decide to fly the nest or take maternity leave.  (Mainly because of the extra hassle it’s going to cause me.)  In the next couple of months I have to recruit three or four new members of staff.  From experience, I’m pretty sure that interviewing is about as close as a man can get to giving birth.  The only difference is that we interview during office hours to a sensible timetable that minimises the disruption it causes.  It is however a painful experience, in which you deal with things as best you can, when all you really want to do is scream and moan about how long it’s all taking, as you wait for the candidate(s) to come into the room so to speak.  And my top tips for interviewing?  Always have the interview panel with the light behind its back.  I find it helps to put interviewees at ease if you silhouette yourselves.  I also find that starting off interviews with the question, “what’s the worst question we could ask you today?” often helps to put candidates at ease too.  If I don’t see tears by the end, I know I’m facing a tough son-of-a-bitch, who might one day challenge my Alpha Male status, an attribute that at work we call Wow; strangely, these people always score really poorly and consequently never get appointed.  There’s nothing Wow about this film either.

David Hamilton made a few films like this and they’re all crap. This is probably because I know nothing about art and can never relate to anything or anyone in them.  And I hate the ‘soft focus’ (i.e. out of focus) photography that always seems to get used too, so it’s not just the people, plots and places I don’t get.  I guess if I was cultured enough I’d think this movie was a cinegraphic masterpiece that “presents the gratification of budding womanhood” and unrequited love, rather than some child porn dressed up as art.  But what do I know?  I’m probably just an ignorant, Mail-reading Brit, who thinks anything foreign is rubbish (unless it’s American or curry).  I guess if I go out and kill someone on purpose, as long as I do it tastefully it’s art, not murder.  Having said that, there is a story of sorts (a somewhat pervy love triangle) and a bit of action when something catches fire.  There’s also some ‘fun’ with weed-killer too.  (It’s a good example of what happens when you don’t store and use chemicals correctly.)  I guess if you can work around all its technical and plot foibles, then you could get something positive out of it.  (It’s not unlike a trashy B-movie in that respect.)

The soundtrack is mainly plinky-plonky ‘emotional’ piano or dated prog rock. It’s not something I’d miss if it was somehow erased for existence by time-travelling, intergalactic film critics.

Trailer. Well if there is one I couldn’t find it.  Yes, the Internet has let me down.  The best I managed to locate were some clips, so I’ve picked out an especially action-packed one for here.

Recommended for sculptors, dancers and anyone with a very open mind.

No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.

Top badass moment? I guess it’s another reason for me to be sent to Hell, but Paul (40) manages to get off with Laura (15).  It’s not that I approve or would want to be in his place; it’s just that he could, which makes it badass, although mostly just bad.  What’s he got that I haven’t?  Other than he’s good looking, French, talented, sexy and (in these post-Saville times) “a sinister pervert who used his fame to get close to young women and girls”.  No wait, that’s Rolf Harris.

Laura at IMDB (6.0 / 10)
Laura at Wikipedia
Laura clip at YouTube


Happiness / National Lottery Refuses to Fund Cactus World


Happiness  -  Front DVD Cover  -  UK ReleaseIsolation… alienation… happiness.  In America they all go hand in hand.  Buy a new TV and you will be happy.  Still not happy?  Experience alienation.  Can’t afford a new TV?  Then live in isolation.  “Be happy”, and if that doesn’t work, pretend to make it work.  For the characters in Todd Solondz’ award winning, subversively funny film “Happiness”, the struggle to attain such a state is fraught with perils both heartbreaking and hilarious.

1998  –  Certificate: 18  –  American Film
Rating Details:  Adult theme, strong sexual references, language and sex
8.5 out of 10

The National Lottery spoilt my day today and it was going so well too.  It started off sunny.  Then I drove to Berkhamsted, which included a slow selection along the M4.  This provided me with a golden opportunity to open all the windows and ‘educate’ my fellow motorists in what good music sounds like, whether they wanted educating or not.  It’s never too early in the day for some noisy punk rock.  I then passed my MiDAS trainer/assessor reassessment.  This means I can continue to train people to drive minibuses in my own, inimitable style.  (e.g. “Just put your foot down.”  “It’s not your vehicle, so don’t worry.”  “You’re not paying for the insurance.”  “You’re bigger than they are.”)  I then drove home again with the windows open.  This time there was no slow section, so thanks to a large articulated lorry I no longer need to tidy up the interior of my car, as all the rubbish in it suddenly got sucked out of the window as the lorry went past.  Then I got home and opened a letter from the Disclosure and Barring Service, which was happy to report that I’m not a pervert or a weirdo; at least not one that’s been caught anyway.  But then the Lottery spoilt my happiness by rejecting a funding application I’d made for a project.  For the second time!  Bloody hell!  I even buy two lottery tickets every week by Direct Debit.  That should guarantee success.  (Then again, I don’t know why this surprises me.  In the 19 years it’s been running, I’ve bought one or two tickets virtually every single week and personally never won more than £10; and that’s not happened more than a few times either.  I’m relying on a Lottery jacket win to act as my pension too.)  My failure was highlighted in some nonsense about insufficient evidence of need.  I guess interviewing every single person on the whole planet about the project and finding that all 7,164,915,211 of them supported it and would benefit from it, wasn’t sufficient.  Still, I’ve been invited to reapply if I can provide more information.  It’s lucky I’ve just got my DBS Certificate, as I’m now going to need to hang about in various maternity wards and try to consult with some babies as they come out of the womb, as just about everyone else has already expressed an opinion.  It’s not the rejection that hurts, (well okay it is really), but the fact that some of my colleagues north of the border seen to be able to provide enough evidence for similar applications, by simply stating that they think the project they’re apply for money for would be “nice”.  This doesn’t make me very happy.  It’s so easy being Scottish.  We have to work hard in the South East of England for everything.  I think a career as a diplomatic would suit me better.  That would make me much happier too.  This is a film about happiness.

This is a sick film.  It’s exactly the sort of perverse movie that the DBS should ask about before issuing Certificates.  It’s also very funny, in a blacker than black way.  There’re loads of reviews of it on the Internet, half of which say it’s great and the other half say they walked out of it after 15 minutes because it was so “disgusting”.  Despite its reputation as a bit of a dodgy film, it’s also surprisingly moving and very well acted.  I think I like it as it features a load of people who think they’re happy but actually they’re not, yet they still are in a rather strange way.  I like to see people bought down to my level.  It’s a movie for grow-ups you should watch.  You can always use a pair of sharp scissors to cut the DVD in two if you don’t like it.  (But remember to take care with the scissors, especially as DVDs can suddenly shatter into sharp pieces when stressed.  I’d advise you wear gloves and goggles too, just in case.)

There is a soundtrack but it’s pretty unmemorable.  Music is sparsely used, although when it is it does support the action nicely.   On many occasions it’s used more as an element in the scenes themselves, rather than simply as background ‘noise’ to build tension or whatever.  Michael Stipe does sing the theme song though.

Recommended for weirdos.  (Sorry, I can’t be arsed to write anything else.)

No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.

Top badass moment?  At the start of the film, Allen strikes a blow for downtrodden men everywhere, with his “I’m Champagne” tirade.  Admittedly he picks on the somewhat weedy Joy as the target for his ‘stand’, but nevertheless he knocks the ball right out of the ground.  Yeah; men rise up and take back your birth right!  No more will we be under the thumb of woman-kind!  Reclaim the mighty sword of masculinity and trousers of relationship power!  (Do I come across as sounding bitter or twisted at all?)

Happiness at IMDB (7.7 / 10)

Happiness at Wikipedia


Shame / Water Meters & Toilet Rolls


Shame  -  Front Blu-ray Cover (UK Release)Brandon (Michael Fassbender) is a 30-something man living comfortably in New York balancing a busy job and active social life.  When the wayward Sissy (Carey Mulligan), turns up at his apartment unannounced, Brandon’s carefully managed lifestyle spirals out of control.  From award-winning director Steve McQueen (“Hunger”), “Shame” is a compelling and timely examination of the nature of need, how we live our lives and the experiences that shape us.

2011  –  Certificate 18  –  USA
Rating Details: Strong sex and sex references
7.5 out of 10

I’m having a water meter fitted at home.  No longer will I pay Thames Water £36.60 a month for the few drops of H2O that I use every day.  (Apparently it has to dig up half the town to fit it, but who cares?)  No longer will I feel guilt if I wash-up, flush the toilet, have a shower or do some washing, as I’ll simply stop doing all of those things.  This will save me money and, more importantly, save the planet too.  Who would have though becoming a lazy, housework-averse, smelly slob would actually be more community-minded than keeping your whites white and your home clean?  The next time I see someone washing his or her car I’m going to go up to the criminal (and let’s face it, you can’t do much worse than destroy the whole planet), and tell them just how selfish they are.  They may as well just get a gun and start killing people.  Indeed, a clean 4×4 has a lot in common with a minigun.  In a mostly unrelated incident, the first thing I did this morning was knock an almost entirely new toilet role into the toilet, while I was using it.  I managed to knock it off the holder and in an effort to stop it falling on the floor, only managed to redirect it into the bowl instead.  (My hands were pretty full at the time.)  For the second time in about a month, I enjoyed the taboo experience of urinating onto something that’s not really meant to be treated in that way; (last time it was my mobile phone).  In a not dissimilar way, this is a film about a successful guy with an addiction to sex.  We also get to see him using a toilet in a similar fashion to me, although minus the bog role and with a ‘physical presence’ that made me feel somewhat inadequate.

This film has a story and a plot of sorts, but if you’re the sort of person who likes a story that sort of has a purpose, then you may not find it that satisfying.  On the other hand, if you like films with a vibe and an atmosphere, then you might quite enjoy it.  Depending on your world view, I guess you’ll either consider Brandon is ‘the man’ or a ‘total loser’.  (If it helps you, please feel free to insert a pair of diametrically opposed euphemisms of your choice in place of the two I’ve just used, perhaps more suited to your age and social background.)  This is actually a very good movie.  I didn’t really want to like Brandon, but somehow he manages to come across as a decent guy with two sides to his life; one a success at work and the other an uncontrollable addict that he keeps bottled up by routine and ‘rules’.  Then his somewhat messed up sister arrives on the scene.  I felt quite sorry for him actually.  This probably has a lot to do with how Michael Fassbender portrays the character, which is in a quite understated way.  The story does leave a lot of unfinished business and unanswered questions in its wake, but really, it’s the mood of the film that makes it work.  Mostly depressing (like most of what I watch), it’s a visually and emotionally entertaining portrayal of a guy with a problem, a guy with a problem that he then tries to do something about.

I really love how the music is used in this film, a mixture of mainly 80s pop, Johann Sebastian Bach and some great incidental stuff by Harry Escott.  It also seems to be part of the trigger that makes Brandon try to change his behaviour.

No cats, decapitation or chainsaws.

Recommended for perverts, obviously.

Top badass moment?  Twice in under two hours, we see Brandon make ‘meaningful’ eye contact with attractive women on the Subway.  I’ve spent hundreds of hours on the Tube and never managed that; in fact I’ve only seen it happen once between anyone.  Somehow that’s badass, or jealousy, I’m not sure which.

Shame at IMDB (7.3/10)