Posts tagged “Reading Station

Little Deaths / Margaret Thatcher


Little Deaths  -  Front DVD Cover (US Release)Welcome to the terrifying world of “Little Deaths”, where everyday people are thrust into nightmares that push the limits of sensuality and violence beyond the breaking point.  From a young homeless woman sucked into a whirlpool of cruelty by a wealthy couple, to a call girl used as a tool in a diabolical medical scheme and a domineering woman with a very unusual phobia, no one escapes unscathed and most don’t make it out alive.  Featuring a mesmerizing soundtrack and unpredictable twists and turns, this stylish, groundbreaking vision of terror has been hailed as “one of the most unique and challenging horror anthologies in quite some time” (FEARnet).

2011  –  Certificate: Unrated  –  British Film
8.5 out of 10

Margaret Thatcher has died.  The human personification of Marmite; you either love her or hate her.  An old woman of 87, suffering from senile dementia and living in a nursing home, (well okay, in the Ritz Hotel in London), has gone to a better place.  Well better that is, until she starts ‘sorting things out’ there.  I’ve watched loads of movies where the dead do (or try to) come back to life, with varying results; right about now I expect that a line of refugees from Heaven or Hell (depending on your point of view) to be winding its way back to Earth, resulting in a humanitarian crises that will make Syria look like Platform 5 at Reading Station after a train’s been cancelled.  The amount of shit written about her everywhere in the past few days has been quite overpowering; I’d forgotten just what a hated witch she was (and still is).  She’s getting a better press in Argentina than here!  I guess it’s easier to be rude about someone once they’ve died; it not like she’s going to get up out of her bed and twat anyone with her handbag.  You’re all tough guys now, aren’t you?  I can’t understand why anyone had a problem with her selling all the stuff we already owned back to us; sounds like a great business model to me.  I certainly enjoyed myself as one of the 3,500,000 unemployed in the 1980s, along with my time on that Government training programme that suddenly got cancelled one day; I wasn’t able to afford to buy those lovely oranges from the greengrocers on the hill in Rayners Lane after that.  And who can forget her services to vegan-kind, in her earlier guise as The Milk Snatcher?  Smashing the Unions, fighting General Galtieri and dealing with a party full of Tories would have been easy after dealing with the UK’s dairy industry.  I hate how people always dwell on the negative things she did.  She won three general elections for goodness sake; the only other person to do that recently was Tony Blair and everyone loves him.  Northerners, they’ve got such a blinked view of life; they can only see as far as the end of the mine shaft they’re working in, never the big picture.  Other than in Preston, where I think I still owe about £25 in Poll Tax, I can now freely explore the former council estates of Britain, safe in the knowledge that I’m surrounded by good, lower-middle-class owner-occupiers working in IT, breathing in air that’s free of heavy-industry pollutants or coal smog, knowing that thanks to Right to Buy and the resulting shortage of public housing and the artificially inflated cost of houses, I’ll be stuck in privately rented accommodation forever; until that is, I need to be moved to a nursing home like the Ritz.  Thank you Maggie, I’ll miss you.  You were great in “The Iron Lady” too; an excellent horror film that you really did look a lot like Meryl Streep in.  Anyway, I’m looking forward to playing my “In Memoriam: Margaret Thatcher” CD from Chumbawamba that got delivered yesterday.  I ordered it on 3rd March 2009, so it’s about time it arrived.  This is a horror film too.

Actually it’s a horror anthology.  I don’t normally like these but this one was actually really good.  Three stories.  The first stars a guy who looks scarily like George Osborne acting like Iain Duncan Smith, demonstrating the Government’s latest policy to deal with ‘welfare scroungers’.  The second features a bucket of semen; it’s been a while since I came across one of those.  And the final one’s about guy in a dog mask with a dominant girlfriend who’s terrified of dogs.  All pretty grim stuff.  Maggie was right, there really isn’t any such thing as society.  They’re all pretty pervy though.

The music varies between the three films, but is generally fine, if a bit forgettable.  However, the final one ends with a section that’s top stuff; brilliant.

No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.

Recommended for Government ministers, vivisectionists, homeless people, Nazis, prostitutes, drug-addicts and animal lovers.  You will find yourself in at least one of these films.

Top badass moment?  When you’ve just been done over by a George Osborne look-alike and his wife, it’s good to know that you and your mates will still get the last laugh.  Another Government policy to deal with spending on welfare goes wrong…

Little Deaths at IMDB (4.6 / 10)

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Chronicle: 3.5 Stars


Chronicle  -  Front Blu-ray CoverI did something last week that I never do these days; I met someone ‘for a drink’ ‘after work’, in a place called Wallingford.  Because I don’t ‘do’ friends this isn’t an activity that I find myself involved in very often.  Going ‘for a drink’ to me means consuming lots of alcohol, to maximise the possibly of my becoming an obnoxious, unpleasant and a generally horrible human being, so that I don’t get asked to ‘go for a drink’ again.  (If I ever did, I’ve long since forgotten how to behave in social situations, so this is how I deal with them these days, on the rare occasion they arise.)  Not wanting to drink and drive, I had to work out how to get there.  I could have gone on foot, but as Wallingford is probably a good two day’s walk from Reading, I decided this wasn’t very practical.  Wallingford doesn’t have a train station and taking a taxi would have meant I’d have had to have sold my body on the streets of Reading for months and months on end to earn enough for the fare; (probably years in fact).  As I didn’t have time for this either, I had to explore ‘other options’.  So imagine my amazement and pleasure when I discovered that the only alternative appeared to be a trip into space and the chance to be an astronaut, in a 50’s inspired spacecraft called the X40.  How fucking cool is that?!  I could hardly sleep the night before, I was so excited.  On Monday evening I turned up at launch pad EB near Reading Station.  Talk about disappointment, I felt like I’d found a $1,000,000 note, only to then be told it was from Zimbabwe and only worth £1.24. (This is the actual conversion rate as of today, I just checked.)  The X40 was a bus!  What a swizz!  I’m seriously thinking of taking the bus company to court with respect to false advertising.  The other passengers that boarded with me looked as miserable as I felt, so I expect they were all struggling with the same feelings I was.  This film features three people who, unlike me, really did get to fly.

2012  –  Certificate: 15  –  USA
Rating Details:  Bloody injury detail, strong violence and sustained threat

This is nicely made but somehow unsatisfying sci-fi film, about three ‘ordinary friends’ who end up with psychic powers that they then proceed to piss about with.  The special effects are great, the movie looks nice and to be fair the acting’s pretty decent too.   My main problem with it is that the three of them just weren’t very nice.  Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t inherently evil or anything, but they came across as caricatures of ‘young people’ rather than real ones.  They also behaved like they were about 13, not their real ages, (which I guess were meant to be around 17).  So I never really got to care what happened to them.  I need to be able to relate to the characters in the films I watch to fully engage with what they’re going through and in this case I just couldn’t.  Perhaps I’m just becoming a bitter old man, but that how it was.  It’s a great film in many ways, but my inability to give a damn for the three of them held me back.  The ‘journey’ from crappy home life to psychopathic loony that one of them goes through really didn’t work for me either.  Also, and maybe it’s because I’m a pervert, but if I had powers like them I’d want to use them to ‘rearrange’ ladies clothing; they do next to none of that, which really does undermine their ‘young person’ personas.  Having said all that, the scene in the toy shop is really very funny and so well acted it feels more like a documentary.  (As an ‘aside’, I want to apologise for my totally ‘over the top’ use of inverted commas here.  I’m writing this under the ‘influence’ of half a bottle of wine, so that’s my excuse.)

Recommended for immature adults everywhere; I guess that includes me then.

No cats, decapitations or chainsaws.

Top badass moment?  Scaring little girls is so not cool, but if you’re going to do it anyway there’s not a lot that’s more badass that using a flying, talking teddy bear to do so, like in this film.  She’s probably going to grow up to be a psychopathic serial killer as a result of the damage this did to her psyche, but I doubt anyone would be able to prove the link so you’re probably safe from prosecution if you want to have a go too.

Chronicle at IMDB (7.1/10)


Fatalities, Facebook and Birthdays


Well well, it’s been a while since I wrote anything here. I guess that means I’ve been in prison again, on a secret mission for the Government, or abducted by aliens, (which in the latter case would be the third time, as far I can remember anyway). An alternative might be that I’ve just been too busy at work to want to type yet more stuff when I get home, or perhaps I’m just a lazy, old sod. Who knows?

Talking about being old, it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I spend the day in a place called ‘Up North’ at a meeting, to hear how we’re all going to be reorganised at work. I really like my job (most of the time), but I must say that I’m fortunate indeed to work for the organisation that probably restructures itself more than any other in the entire universe. (Okay, I appreciate that I’ve not actually got a total understanding of the universe and all the organisations in it, but I do have a good enough grasp on things to realise that it’s simply not possible to restructure more and not break any laws of physics.) But as I’m apt to tell the people I work with, if you don’t like the changes don’t worry, because it will all get changed again in a couple of years.

Anyway, back to my birthday. There I was, sitting on the final leg of my journey back to Reading, the last 30 minutes between Paddington and Reading, looking forward to getting home for my birthday; not that I had any plans, but there’s a principle here so stick with me on this. So anyway, there we are, speeding along at something over 100mph, when, oh dear, someone decides to get run over on the track up ahead and consequently turns my 30 minute journey into one lasting more than two and a half hours. Well done mate. Now this is of course, a really tragic thing to happen and call me self-centered if you like, but it was my birthday! And I’d had a long journey too. So much for partying the night away with a crowd of beautiful women, plentiful drugs, good music and an endless supply of beer. (As an aside to this, I only got two birthday cards, and one of those was just a 50p off voucher in a card from some company that I probably won’t use, but it did say happy birthday on it so it counts.)

And in other big news, I’ve decided to join the human race. What I mean by this is that I’ve now got a Facebook account. Having felt for several years like I was living off the grid by refusing to have one, ‘The Man’ has finally got me in his grasp. Bastard. I do need to point out that I’ve not done this because there’s been a huge influx of people suddenly thinking that I’m the best thing since sliced bread and wanting to be my mate; (sliced bread isn’t that good for you anyway, it doesn’t fill you up and it’s full of rubbish calories and salt, a bit like me really). The fact of the matter is I’ve only done it because hardly any bands are using MySpace anymore (as they’ve all gone over to Facebook as the new MySpace is virtually unusable now) and I’ve started to feel like I am loosing track of things. As this is basically all I care about in life (actually that’s not quite true but for dramatic effect I’ll say it), this is obviously a bad thing. I wonder how many Friends I’ll manage to pick up. None so far. I hate it’s ugly, blue colour and angular design too. The one good thing is that my having an account there has probably doomed it, as has been the case with several other social networking sites I’ve joined in the past. Facebook is the social networking equivalent of Tesco, minus the Clubcard Points.  Oh God, I’ve even put a link in to them…

Right now I’m listening to “West Blanket” by Picked Dick (now known as Mike TV).