Dogma / Surgery!
Searching for a way back from everlasting exile, renegade fallen angels Loki (Matt Damon) and Bartleby (Ben Affleck) attempt to turn the cosmological system on its head – unless an unlikely horde of humans can stop them. Bethany (Linda Fiorentino), the heroine of “Dogma” is a woman convinced her prayers have not been answered when, out of nowhere, a heralding angel appears in her bedroom and declares her the potential saviour of humanity. Setting off on an extraordinary journey, Bethany meets a host of heavenly and hellish characters, including the celestial messenger Metatron (Alan Rickman), an apostle with a 2,000 year old grudge (Chris Rock), hot-headed demon Azrael (Jason Lee) and heavenly muse Serendipity (Salma Hayek). In Kevin Smith’s comic fantasia, angels, demons, apostles and prophets (of a sort) walk among the cynics and innocents of the Earth and battle it out for the fate of humankind.
1999 – Certificate: 15 – American Film
Language: Frequent Strong, Some Coarse. Sex/Nudity: Some Moderate References. Violence: Some, Strong, Fantasy. Other: Comic Fantasy, Religion
8.0 out of 10
Yesterday I underwent a major, surgical procedure; I had my bottom left wisdom tooth removed. Although initially thankful to discover that I’d survived the experience, I was horrified to find out that I got neither a week’s stay in a hospital bed to recover, nor six months’ worth of appointments with a councillor to enable me to cope with the ordeal; I’m pretty sure I’ve got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the operation, which took nearly ten, whole minutes! The initial injections, which got shoved into three places, including where my tooth was sorest, are already out of the running for my list of top ten fun things of 2014. Feeling the end of a needle against the side of my tooth somewhere deep inside my gum, was a bit disconcerting. A few minutes later he gave me two more injections. These all left me somewhat numb, along with hundreds of other people who got caught in the anaesthetic blast zone; not that I was complaining, I was just glad to have lost all tactile contact with the outside world. The executioner dentist then started pulling at my tooth. There was a very disconcerting cracking noise at one point, which I remember thinking would have been even more worrying had I been an astronaut in a space capsule. The dentist did make a comment to the effect that I shouldn’t worry about the noise, (although considering he was doing his best to flatten my head at the time with his arm, I don’t suppose there was much I could do anyway). I had visions of my tooth disintegrating, along with most of my jaw and skull. I started imagining that my head would end up resembling a Halloween pumpkin, that sort with a hideously cut out smile, which had gone a bit rotten and started to collapse in on itself. However, the tooth came out in one piece and I was then rewarded with four stitches that were done with such a flourish that I got the distinct feeling the dentist was looking to be scored well on artistic merit by someone. He also rather cruelly said the third was one the last, before adding a fourth. Then I just got booted out of the surgery and left to somehow stagger on my own to the chemist shop for more antibiotics. I also got given the huge, pink pain killers I’d had before too, although as far as I was concerned, there was no pain-killer big enough for what I felt I’d soon need. I thought I’d been pumped full of enough anaesthetic to numb my whole body for months, but it did start to wear off shortly after I got home. It was a bit sore for a few hours, but now it seems to have settled down and it’s not too bad. I imagine most people would describe the sort of discomfort I’m in as “agony”, but I’m not the sort of person to build mountains out of mole hills. I did have a look at my tooth once it had been pulled out, (I made the nurse get it out of the bin), but as the Tooth Fairy does everything online these days, I didn’t feel the need to bring it home to put under my pillow. I guess I could have drilled a hole in it and worn it as a sort of necklace I suppose. The wonderful National Health Service, despite all its ‘issues’, did everything for free, so once the Tooth Fairy has paid up, I should be well in the money. I’m seriously considering selling a few spare organs now. This film highlights two people who want to do something that will end all of existence, but after my traumatic tooth experience, the end of existence seems small beer to me.
I went to a Church School. (Hard to believe I know.) Ever Thursday we had our assembly in the local church, St. Mary’s. This I did all through my primary school education. Despite this, most of the ecumenical stuff mentioned in this film meant nothing to me. Then again, I went to a Protestant church rather than a Catholic one. The biggest difference between the two is if you go to the former and piss about, nothing much happens. If you do the same as the latter, you’ll end up committing a mortal sin and being dammed to spend all of eternity in Purgatory, or worse. I guess that makes you remember things more clearly. This is a great, original and clever comedy that stars a whole range of famous people and characters, from the talented and funny (Alan Rickman) and now mega successful (Matt Damon), to the hugely overrated (Jay and Silent Bob). Alanis Morissette is God, which probably came as a big shock to Morgan Freeman when he turned up to be God some years later in “Bruce Almighty”. Alanis is sexier though and unlike Morgan, got a song into the charts that references oral sex in public. A great film, well worth watching.
There’s quite an array of music used in this movie but weirdly I can’t remember much about it. I guess that means it did it’s job well, or it’s just rubbish.
I rather like the trailer for this film. It makes it look ‘exciting’ and gives an idea of the plot, without really giving anything away. Sounds simple, but many trailers fail this simply test.
Recommended for rebranding consultants, out of work apostles, pole dancers, angels and abortion clinic doctors.
1 decapitation, no cats or chainsaws. Well it’s an exploding head really, but let’s not quarrel about semantics.
Top badass moment? Bethany saves all of existence. Not quite as impressive as my dealing with the trauma of having a wisdom tooth removed yesterday, but it’s still pretty badass.
Dogma at IMDB (7.4 / 10)
Dogma at Wikipedia
Dogma at Roger Ebert (3.5 / 4.0)
Dogma trailer at YouTube
Good Will Hunting / Sleep and Toothache
In an Oscar winning performance, Robin Williams (“The Birdcage”, “Dead Poets Society”) alongside Matt Damon (“The Bourne Trilogy”, “The Departed”) in the motion picture triumph that received an Oscar nomination for best picture of the year. The most brilliant mind at America’s top university isn’t a professor… he’s the guy who cleans its floors, Will Hunting (Damon in an Oscar nominated role). But Will is also a headstrong, penniless guy failing the lessons of life and love with his wealthy girlfriend (Oscar nominee Minnie Driver). Facing a jail sentence after one too many run-ins with the law, Will’s fate lies in the hands of his therapist (Williams), who might be the only man able to help him see his true potential. Also starring Ben Affleck (“The Town”, “Armageddon”), who co-wrote this Oscar winning original screenplay with Damon, “Good Will Hunting” is the inspiring, emotionally charged film that has everyone talking.
1997 – Certificate: 15 – American Film
Rating Details: Strong language and violence
7.5 out of 10
My sleep pattern is all messed up at the moment. Yesterday evening I was doing something on the computer and then suddenly felt really sleepy, so had to immediately go and lie down on the sofa in the middle of what I was doing. I fell asleep for about an hour. Then at about 2:00 am I woke up and was wide awake, so got out of bed, had something to eat and read a book for a while. Something is obviously bringing out the ‘inner baby’ in me. I blame the change in the weather and the longer evenings; I hate the winter. I’ve also got an on-off toothache at the moment. It’s not the physical pain I dread, it’s paying a dentist to sort it out that’s the real horror. I’m sure something’s going terribly wrong under a crown; it feels very expensive. I might just go for a head transplant, as it’ll probably work out cheaper. I wonder if I can have Will’s from this film.
This is an entertaining, if somewhat bland movie. There’s nothing especially wrong with it but there’s nothing that amazing about it either, which considering it won two Oscars is a bit of a letdown. I just found it hard to emotionally engage with what was going on. Matt Damon’s character (Will) was just a bit too unlikable for me to really care about what happened to him. So he had a tough upbringing. Big deal. I’ve got toothache and you don’t hear me going on about it… much. His ‘genius’ was just a bit too over-the-top too. Even the film’s title is trying to be far too clever for its own good. The fact that it’s currently meant to be the 143rd best ever movie (according to IMDB) just makes me worry a bit about people. Robin Williams plays Will’s shrink nicely enough, but I’ve never forgiven him for being in “Mork & Mindy”, one of the most awful, awful TV programme ever to be conjured into existence. When I get my hands on a time machine that’s definitely on my list of things to tamper with. I’ll certainly have no qualms about polluting the timeline by removing “Mork & Mindy” from it. On the plus side, this film’s got Stellan Skarsgård in it, who’s always great. He manages to make being a professor of mathematics seem almost cool, in a non geeky way. I do feel like I’m starting to stalk him though, as this is the third film I’ve watched with him in recently. Minnie Driver is very cute too. Reading that back to myself just now, I’ve realised that I’ve probably been a bit bitchy about this film; sorry, it’s the sleep deprivation and toothache talking.
The soundtrack is a bit “whatever”. A lightweight Batman one.
Recommended for geniuses, mathematicians, swotty students and psychiatrists.
No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.
Top badass moment? Until I was 16 I was really good at maths. By the time I was 18 I was crap at it. In revenge, I degrade it these days by referring to it as sums, just to get my own back on arithmetic. And I call rectangles, oblongs and deliberately fail to remember the difference between diameter, radius and circumference. No one’s more of a rebel than me! Secretly though, I’m deeply impressed by anyone who can make sense of maths, especially if they can then make it mean something. And pissing on students by being effortlessly better than them is good too. Like it or not, that makes Will badass.
Good Will Hunting at IMDB (8.2 / 10)
Saving Private Ryan / Saving Everyone Else
Internationally acclaimed by critics and audiences alike, Steven Spielberg’s “Saving Private Ryan” is an unforgettable film achievement that has had profound and lasting impact throughout the world. Winner of five Academy Awards, including Best Director, the film also captured Oscars for Cinematography, Film Editing, Sound and Sound Effects Editing. Saving Private Ryan was the top-grossing motion picture of 1998. Seen through the eyes of a squad of American soldiers, the story begins with World War II’s historic D-Day invasion, then moves beyond the beach as the men embark on a dangerous special mission. Captain John Miller (Tom Hanks) must take his men behind enemy lines to find Private James Ryan, whose three brothers have been killed in combat. Faced with impossible odds, the men question their orders. Why are eight men risking their lives to save just one? Surrounded by the brutal realities of war, each man searches for his own answer – and the strength to triumph over an uncertain future with honour, decency and courage.
1998 – Certificate:15 – American Film
Rating Details:
9.0 out of 10
The Internet is awash with every possible analysis of this film. So, let me just start by summarising its real plot. Tom Hanks gets given a job to do with his team. They have a few concerns and questions as to the point of what they’re asked to do. The end. Well, big deal. Welcome to the modern world of employment gentleman. I find myself in that situation a lot in my job, that’s just how it is. It’s true, I’m not likely to kill many people or get killed if it all goes a bit pear-shaped, but as someone who’s employed to save the planet, it can get a bit onerous at times. So here’s some advice for you Tom. “You really need to visualise the big picture and stop looking at the details. We’re all One Team and we’re all in this together, so stop giving bandwidth to our value chain and metrics that doesn’t concern you. Just be happy to be a small piece in a big jigsaw and relentlessly concentrate on fitting yourself into the right place at the right time, for the greater good. It’s other people’s challenge to sort out those sorts of mission critical, strategic goals, so you don’t need to quantify the methodology yourself. Let them drill down, do the blue-sky thinking, and deal with the structural underpinning. You’re good at what you do, so leverage your core competencies to provide locally focused, robustly broad-based solutions, as we incentivise our external stakeholders to strongly buy-in to our USP. As a matrix organisation, your knowledge and experience as one of our best product evangelists and of interacting with a wide range of partners at a delivery level, is vital. We know we can trust you to provide a flexible approach, as we move forward and in the current period harvest the low-hanging fruit. Tom, it’s just a different way of working. Allowing well-qualified colleagues to take the burden of decision-making away from you, should leave you time-enriched and in better shape to play your part, as well as provide you with a more focused environment in which to do so. You don’t need to worry Tom, we’ve got everything covered for you, but I wanted to give you the heads-up on this. However, if you have any other difficulties in living our values, let’s touch base offline and share a thought-shower; my office door is always open.” As an unambitious nobody, it works for me.
This film is the 37th best ever movie, according to IMDB. That’s pretty impressive. Whilst I admire Steven Spielberg’s work, I sometimes find it makes me feel a bit queasy, as if I’ve eaten too many yummy sweets. However, “Saving Private Ryan” is one of the good ones. The battle scene at the start is 27 minutes of real movie magic and there are plenty of other parts that come pretty close to this too. It’s essential viewing. War is truly the biggest obscenity of all.
With a full orchestral score, music is used sparingly but effectively. I think you can buy it on CD if you’re desperate enough.
No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.
Recommended for soldiers, politicians and middle managers.
Top badass moment? Take your pick, there’s plenty of choice.
Penny's Gallery
Saving the Planet – July 2010
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